love.

love is about so many things, around so many things.

love is between humans and humans, between humans and the world, life as whole. love is chemistry, but chemistry is not love. love is more than doing what you're feeling. love is about pushing through when your legs are tired and hands are teared off. love is about not giving up on people when they're at their worst.

so don't you tell me that you love me that you fucking tell me to improve myself. how you dramatize every small mistakes and tell me that's not what a functioning human do. how dare you tell me I'm retarded, that's clearly not love.

I will improve, I will get better. I dare to live. I dare to do things against what the world told me to. get a well-paid job and have kids and live. NO, FUCK NO. look what you do and how you fell short with your mistakes that you ended up grieving for life, every morning you wake up and every night you live.

the pain hurts me and changed me. after all, that was not love.

definitely doesn't deserve me at my best if you can't stand this retarded kid at her worst. what kind of parent are you, you fucking bitch?

so shut up, when you don't understand me. that's all I need.

4/9/2021.

the pressure to be independent is roaring deafening.