written in my garden.

it's said that childhood is a factor which affect greatly the going of one's life. while I don't want to be immature and blame it all on my parents and environment, I just want to admit that it does have a rather profound impact.

my family is a typical Asian family with all the stereotypes you can think of on the top of your head - having high expectations on their kids, working very hard, etc.

it's a blessing, and also a curse to be in a so-called wealthy family. of course I have access to a good education and my life is overally better than my friends in term of materialism.

no, I'm not talking about designer bags, shoes or fucking underwear, perfumes. I barely have chances to connect with my friends physically out of school.

unlike a typical teen, I actually love my family, and by loving I mean, love despite in the saying like because, love despite. sometimes it hurts, for the fact that they don't savor and fulfill my needs mentally.

I think I had realized a very important truth that, if applied and sought after long enough could change the course of my life forever. I don't know to which direction would it flow - to mountains, streams, oh all holy waters, how can I know?

the only think I know for now is to have a better life, it's 99% on me and 1% on the environment. I have pretty much all the control.

no need to live, no need to force breathes or barely exist, just let it be.

living in the now, as well as having a balanced life, is addictive as hell. that's even more addictive than porn if you have th guts to pursue that far, and that's why people won't sacrivice pitty bad ideas for a life full of tranquility, dignity and mindfulness.

let it be.

practicing mindfulness is not always for the good days, it's during, for and prior to bad days.

9/7/2021.