during my self development journey, I'd many times tried to classify things so that I can choose certain activities to improve myself.
a very important process that I'd put in my motto mens sana in corpore sano (a healthy mind in a healthy body) is learning, which is for the mind.
well I'd tried classified it into things you learn scientifically or socially but that doesn't seem to work. after all that hard shits, I'd realize they're two categories - things school teach you and things life teach you.
I might be an A stoodent in the school of school (for now I hope) but little did u know I get loads of F stacking and hitting me right in the face every dei.
ah yes it hurts like you having sex for the first time (which I haven't dw bae), but it really opens up to greater thing in life. and everytime I receive some feedback I either go
I'm not enough
or
hell I'm a horrible person
or
I don't deserve love or attention may be I should die cause I'm wasting oxygen on this planet LOL why do I even exist mom I should go and die hey siri how to die without feeling pain can chu get me some sleeping pills shit
basically
it turns into a fucking existential crisis.
with clair de lune on overlapping mode and liters of tears (yes I'm serious if chu take all the tears I had in a month combined)
but uh
it takes SO MANY TIME to recover so I started to chop chop on the process and really speed up learning cause existential crisis don't really help on the long run.
ah yes here are a few shit to keep in mind everytime I hit thru that dark path again.
toxic people are toxic and there is no need to influence them af and they won't change
the only person you can change is thyself
it's okay to fuck up everi once in a while
no worri it doesn't last forever, anything in life is impermanent and so is your life, life is a massive sand dune
life is a shithole and we all try to make things complicated. be chill. be cool.
AH YES THE THING IS ACTUALLY SMOLLER THAN YOU BRAIN DISTORTED SO NEVERMINDDDDDDD D:
24/1/2021.
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