the night approached me with its equivocal, worrisome and soulful breeze.
it stayed there, gently caressing my hair, questioning my thoughts from the bottom of my heart.
it didn't take long for me to be wholly immersed in daydreaming and the ambiguous realm of my own.
i reckoned how someone would feel diving deep down that unending stream of insecure, hesitant feelings that stayed compressed all day long.
i wondered how someone would live with the waves that came and went as moon rose and set.
how would one stay calm in this chaotic world?
the moon and the city light illuminated objects in my room, distorting some's shapes, resketching, shading things to its own disposal.
sometimes, i longed to have that power, to manipulate things as my wishes, cause things at times doesn't turn out to be right.
the piano looked different, even the melody it gave out sounded distinct to my ears.
it's a privilege to be in this vague state, overwhelmed with thoughts, letting your hand surf on the sea of black and white keys, humming to some songs that popped up in your head right that time.
i guess i stroke something. time stopped itself from melting, it froze.
i hadn't heard that before, or probably it was so long since i last heard it, that it was all greek to me.
o self,
how long has it been
how many nights have you spent
how many days have you wasted pondering about the future
crying over the past
when all we have
is now
at this exact moment?
let it be known to thyself
that all the finding of happiness
is completely fruitless
since
mindfulness isn't achieved by finding and fighting
thus
it its here
when one leave all the luggage of future and past behind
shut down all the blinds, turn off all the lights
lay down on your bed
once the place you cried your eyes out
or where you laughed and shouted at the top of your lungs?
o dear
close your eyes
flick of all the dust which long settled on your eyelids
inhale lungfuls of fresh air
which you had then overlooked
can't you feel the idyllic night penetrating every cell in your body?
get off from the grave of melancholy
here and now
future awaits you.
1/11/2020.
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