exhausted.

as a sane person, I know that all my worries and desperation won't go away after I finished typing this. however, I still hope they do, no matter how little.

27th April, few days before holidays, few days before someone started having holidays with my family, when we still in distress.

27th April, 2 days before our 200th day anniversary, I still try to make up the best for him, but at times I just feel like nothing and want to die so bad.

I know it would be selfish to die, cause being able to live is something precious, something that is sought after for by many.

27th April, few days before exams, I know it's my faut to procrastinate and having to cram everything now. I don't know what to feel anymore.

27th April, I kept telling myself how such wounds I have on a daily basis are minor, but they add up to be major, and no matter how much I don't care, it starts to itch the fuck out of me, bleeing internally.

27th April, I was tired of existing, I was tired of how being a top student and still be able to do chores, helping parents was a minimum request for me and to others, solely being good at school was their parents wildest dream. I am jealous, I am fucking jealous. I am jealous of how they can be an actual family, where their dads aren't assholes and their moms ain't slaves for the family, their kids aren't viewed as GNPs or assets that parents pour money in and get profits from it, or where people do business, whatever.

27th April, I was crying in my room cause I had nowhere to go, and my sister told me to shut up.

how desparate am I to not be able to control her, or my own emotions.

I just want to live, a happy life.

27/4/2021.