10 April, 2022
Could a man with a sore leg, in any possible moment, forget his broken leg to think of something else? When we're inundated with pain and melancholy, we couldn't think of anyone or anything beyond ourselves. The good nature of humans got shielded and hidden away by the sorrows and selfish sadness one has.
As Nam Cao put it in his famous works, somtimes, we're too conscious of our own pain on a daily basis, that we miss out the big picture. Love to be loved is human, but love just to love is angel. Being selfish for oneself is okay and totally human, however mundane and mortal it sounds. We depend on others for our lives, we're social creatures. Worrying about ourselves moderately can even be beneficial, the problems start when we worry about ourselves too little - that is, you're being a slacker - or too much, which is what I want to talk about today.
It was way over 7am and I'd just woke up. There're mornings that I can't really get out of bed. I'm not trapped in its comfort , but the perplexed patterns of my thoughts. About my family, my academics, tests, chores, and things that make you hate life whenever you think of it. I don't really hate chores, I just hate doing chores for ungrateful people. Regarding other businesses, I probably have stepped too far from the present to the future that I can't mold it in my hands now. I only have the present.
When we're too occupied with our own thoughts, somehow our problems seem bigger and more exaggerated than it needs to be. But when we meditate and have a chance to step back from our own lives, our own physical bodies, we start to dissolve in this beautiful and tragic fabric of humanity. We got to see the lives of others, living, dead, or yet to come. When we think of such things, somehow, our problems get a bit smaller and more negligible.
This is not to say that we're ignoring our lives, but understand that we're a part of something larger than our egos. Instead of asking "What do I want to do with my life?", maybe it's time for us to ask "How I want to die?". The two elements of the question got changed, what changed to how, and life changed to death. In the end, it's not really what you do, but how you do it. And if you suck at planning, then planning backwards may help.
Let others ridicule you for thinking of impossible and abstract event. It's never too late to think of your own death. When you'd overcome the pain of dying or vanishing, then you'll start to realize how beautifully you're weaved into this textile of humanity. Get off your place and do something else, explore the pains that the human race had to live through, discover the beauty that time and art harbour. What is the point of saving time, if you eventually spend it on something that add no value to your life at all?
Look at those negative spaces.
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